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John Gray 有一本很出名的書叫做 Men are from MARS,Women are from Venus .
男女大不同再加上種族 ,文化 ,和家庭養成更讓婚姻會出問題 .
昨天去了一趟書店 ,看到一本很有趣的書名 ,翻了第一頁我就很想買了 .這根本就是講阿福和我嘛 !!!不過我們是一般大眾 ,所以也有可能也是在講你們喔 ?! 除非你們有很積極在營造 ,改進或者就是接受一切 .....?
這本書叫做 How to improve your marriage WITHOUT talking about it . without 兩個字還是用紅字印刷 ,也因為這字讓我翻開來看 ,因為阿福根本就是不愛講話的人 .昨天的課有兩個空檔 ,所以我就把書丟在袋子裡帶到教室去閱讀 ,邊讀邊highlight it ,想阿福也是懶的看書之人 ,畫重點給他看 .( 有人懶到如此地步 ,不過他竟然打電話時問我desperate housewives 和 Grey anotomy 演到那裡還有 dancing with the stars 誰贏 ) .
書背後的書評是 ....
Improve your marriage without saying a word ? Men are going to love this .
Inspirational....a practical guide for men and women to overcome their challenges and come together outside and inside the bedroom "
書上說到男女在生物構造上本來就不相同 ,talking 會讓女人感覺到與人親近 ,但會讓男人遠離 ,因為男人害怕阿 .
(這我試過 ,有時候我跟阿福說 " we need to talk "他會很膽戰心驚的問 talk what ? )
Love is not about better communication .It`s about connection .
(我現在恍然大悟了 ,沒錯 ,我都以為我們需要語言上的溝通 ,沒 ,那是只有我需要溝通 ,他只需要親密的感覺)
When a woman feels close,she can relax; when she feels distant ,she gets anxious .
(沒錯 ,我也是如何覺得)
He gets angry when she gets upset or anxious .They don`t know how it feels like .They don`t get women`s fear .
(沒錯 ,我沮喪時 ,阿福會慌因為他不知道他該怎麼辦 ?)
The woman is talking nonstop ,following her man from room to room....(天阿 ,那就是我 )
But when the men keeps her up all night talking about "the prblems" ,he is trying to prove that he is RIGHT
(天阿....那是阿福ㄚ )
書上舉了很多例子來說明男女的大不同 ...
女的說 : 這屋子裡有點冷阿
男的說 :怎會 ? 25度哩 !!
(女的在表達她身體的情緒 ,男的在做正確的數字分析 .)
看過前面幾頁後我就跳到第三章 ,因為我看到一個很醒目的標題 ...The Silent Male
他說許多婚姻顧問專家都會聽到幾千萬遍同樣的話 ,就是淚汪汪的妻子抱怨說 : i don`t think he really loves me anymore "
然後在一旁的先生就像掉下巴似的驚訝狀 說 " what do you mean i don`t love you ,I go to work everyday !!!!"
妻子說 " you would do that anyway "
然後先生就 sighs in frustration .其實專家認為 women make it possible for thier men to find enjoyment in watching tv,cooking ,tikering with the car and hanging out with friends-plus ,she gives meaning to his going to work everyday " (這就是我讓他沒後顧之憂的意思 ?)
"It is true,i would still go to work everyday if you left me ,but it wouldn`t mean the same "
(阿福也說過這句話 ,那也就是說我也說過前面那句話 )
男人覺得婚姻關係就是一個可以讓他自己很放鬆的一個地方 .可以充電的地方 .可以踢掉鞋子拔掉領帶 ,不用去 playing role or managing something 的地方 .他會覺得放輕鬆如果他的妻子就坐在他身邊或就在屋子裡 .
女人也是需要足夠的安全感和放鬆 ,但是她的安全感是需要與她的丈夫有 interaction .
If she doesn`t feel connected ,she starts to feel anxious and alone .
So both men and women want to have their relationship be a secure a base . But SECURITY feels different for each .
He thinks he is honoring the relationship because he can relax with her in the room ,
and she thinks he is failing the relationship because he is not interacting with her .
(這簡直就是在說我和阿福嘛 ....)
書上還有一章講到 the worst thing a man does to a woman , 也就是 raymond & debra 之間的做愛問題 .這在我們家還沒出問題 ,所以這章阿福拿一百分 .
昨天我在教室看這本書時 ,有一個老師經過我教室 ,她問我在看什麼 ?我把書舉高給她看說 " 如果看了這本書還沒什麼幫助的話就要離了阿福了 "
她說 "妳會嚇死他的 "
不過看了一部份之後 ,我的心就輕鬆一大半了 .我們又不是世界上唯一有問題的人 .
男女大不同再加上種族 ,文化 ,和家庭養成更讓婚姻會出問題 .
昨天去了一趟書店 ,看到一本很有趣的書名 ,翻了第一頁我就很想買了 .這根本就是講阿福和我嘛 !!!不過我們是一般大眾 ,所以也有可能也是在講你們喔 ?! 除非你們有很積極在營造 ,改進或者就是接受一切 .....?
這本書叫做 How to improve your marriage WITHOUT talking about it . without 兩個字還是用紅字印刷 ,也因為這字讓我翻開來看 ,因為阿福根本就是不愛講話的人 .昨天的課有兩個空檔 ,所以我就把書丟在袋子裡帶到教室去閱讀 ,邊讀邊highlight it ,想阿福也是懶的看書之人 ,畫重點給他看 .( 有人懶到如此地步 ,不過他竟然打電話時問我desperate housewives 和 Grey anotomy 演到那裡還有 dancing with the stars 誰贏 ) .
書背後的書評是 ....
Improve your marriage without saying a word ? Men are going to love this .
Inspirational....a practical guide for men and women to overcome their challenges and come together outside and inside the bedroom "
書上說到男女在生物構造上本來就不相同 ,talking 會讓女人感覺到與人親近 ,但會讓男人遠離 ,因為男人害怕阿 .
(這我試過 ,有時候我跟阿福說 " we need to talk "他會很膽戰心驚的問 talk what ? )
Love is not about better communication .It`s about connection .
(我現在恍然大悟了 ,沒錯 ,我都以為我們需要語言上的溝通 ,沒 ,那是只有我需要溝通 ,他只需要親密的感覺)
When a woman feels close,she can relax; when she feels distant ,she gets anxious .
(沒錯 ,我也是如何覺得)
He gets angry when she gets upset or anxious .They don`t know how it feels like .They don`t get women`s fear .
(沒錯 ,我沮喪時 ,阿福會慌因為他不知道他該怎麼辦 ?)
The woman is talking nonstop ,following her man from room to room....(天阿 ,那就是我 )
But when the men keeps her up all night talking about "the prblems" ,he is trying to prove that he is RIGHT
(天阿....那是阿福ㄚ )
書上舉了很多例子來說明男女的大不同 ...
女的說 : 這屋子裡有點冷阿
男的說 :怎會 ? 25度哩 !!
(女的在表達她身體的情緒 ,男的在做正確的數字分析 .)
看過前面幾頁後我就跳到第三章 ,因為我看到一個很醒目的標題 ...The Silent Male
他說許多婚姻顧問專家都會聽到幾千萬遍同樣的話 ,就是淚汪汪的妻子抱怨說 : i don`t think he really loves me anymore "
然後在一旁的先生就像掉下巴似的驚訝狀 說 " what do you mean i don`t love you ,I go to work everyday !!!!"
妻子說 " you would do that anyway "
然後先生就 sighs in frustration .其實專家認為 women make it possible for thier men to find enjoyment in watching tv,cooking ,tikering with the car and hanging out with friends-plus ,she gives meaning to his going to work everyday " (這就是我讓他沒後顧之憂的意思 ?)
"It is true,i would still go to work everyday if you left me ,but it wouldn`t mean the same "
(阿福也說過這句話 ,那也就是說我也說過前面那句話 )
男人覺得婚姻關係就是一個可以讓他自己很放鬆的一個地方 .可以充電的地方 .可以踢掉鞋子拔掉領帶 ,不用去 playing role or managing something 的地方 .他會覺得放輕鬆如果他的妻子就坐在他身邊或就在屋子裡 .
女人也是需要足夠的安全感和放鬆 ,但是她的安全感是需要與她的丈夫有 interaction .
If she doesn`t feel connected ,she starts to feel anxious and alone .
So both men and women want to have their relationship be a secure a base . But SECURITY feels different for each .
He thinks he is honoring the relationship because he can relax with her in the room ,
and she thinks he is failing the relationship because he is not interacting with her .
(這簡直就是在說我和阿福嘛 ....)
書上還有一章講到 the worst thing a man does to a woman , 也就是 raymond & debra 之間的做愛問題 .這在我們家還沒出問題 ,所以這章阿福拿一百分 .
昨天我在教室看這本書時 ,有一個老師經過我教室 ,她問我在看什麼 ?我把書舉高給她看說 " 如果看了這本書還沒什麼幫助的話就要離了阿福了 "
她說 "妳會嚇死他的 "
不過看了一部份之後 ,我的心就輕鬆一大半了 .我們又不是世界上唯一有問題的人 .
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